In the past few years my extended family went from a dog count of:
Mandy: 3, rest of the entire family: 0 
to the current:
Mandy: 2, rest of the family: 8 and counting. 
This all happened over the course of a few years. Near the end of college I adopted a little white dog who my aunt and uncle quickly and very unexpectedly stole from me (a story for another time), then another one that they generously allowed me to have for a couple years before they also acquired him. That being said both little dogs were clear with me that they wanted to make the move, and who would dare argue with a little white dog whose set his mind to something. But thus began a slow but sure flooding of new dogs into our family gatherings. With all these new furkids have come a variety of personalities and challenges, and lots for me to think about. Each one is different and each family member has a different set of expectations for their pups. some are great on leash, some arent. some go off leash all the time, others never. some sleep on the bed, some do not.
When I was younger I romanticized the dogs you see on TV without a piece of fur out of order, the militant seeming hunting dogs who stand at attention ready for the slightest command. I thought that was so cool. The more dogs Ive worked with the more Ive come to celebrate their quirks and personalities. There was a time when I wanted to help clients achieve a sort of "canine perfection" and I used the word "should" a lot in relation to dog behavior. Over the last few years Ive workshopped that, especially with clients as I had a few say things like "making her do that breaks my heart" about things that I just thought they "should" fix. I new find myself confronted with scenarios family members face with their pups by asking more questions about what they want, what they need, and who their dog is, "as a person". I think old me might have felt i was over-personifying, but old me wasnt near as aware of the depth of personality and individualism each dog can have. Each of my rescues have had a separate set of behaviors to say the least, and every day i learn more about their feelings and abilities (yesterday one of mine shattered a window protecting us from squirrels... i think. did not know he could do that.) 
Long story short, I have a new model. i roll my eyes at things like "your dog should never sleep in your bed" or "dogs dont belong on the furniture" as rules. If YOU dont want your dog to do those things then cool no prob, but dont act like anyone else needs to folow those rules to have a good relationship with their dog. I have things that are musts for me. I dont like to pick up dog poop on walks, my dogs poop in the yard or in long grass in the woods, somewhere I dont need to worry about scooping it up from. personally i hate walking around with mastiff sized dog dung in a flimsy plastic bag. not into it. so I dont do it. No one else needs to do that. for me, the fact that my dogs have rules around pooping makes them a lot more perfect. My dogs do walk perfectly on the leash. i refuse to be pulled, also i have less total pounds to throw around so im not doing the pulling battle. My dogs are allowed to bark as they are my only security system but they are expected to stop barking as soon as i ask (that one is always a work in progress lol). my kids absolutely use the furiture and sleep with me at night. that being said if i want them off, off they go. thats my perfect refined over time between me and my kiddos. I guess what im trying to say is there is no perfect, half the rules you read on the internet are bullshit, and your version of perfect dog behavior is entirely up to you and your kiddos. 
Ive had plenty of tough clients where we had to workshop what we were looking for in the end. For example, an old client had a gorgeous boxer who had big issues with strangers. He was kindof a different guy socially, he didnt perceive the world the same way most dogs do. We never asked him to be a perfect greeter at parties, we didnt ask him to be able to go sit at a restaurant. However, he did need to be able to allow occasional friends or family members in the door without getting hurt, and his parents needed to be able to travel and trust him with specific dog sitters. That is what we created a system around and made a reality. relationships are about compromise afterall.
Now i hear clients out in the beginning, work with the dogs a while, then revisit the question, what experience do you want to have as a dog owner under these circumstances. the truth most often is we can get there, it just takes work. Also true is sometimes... the work isnt worth it to people, so we modify what were asking from the pups and their owners. To me, theres absolutely nothing wrong with that, and understanding what amount of work or how intensely people are willing to tackle problems is a key way to ensure we get realistic results as a team, and that I dont get burnt out or frustrated because the client isnt doing exactly what i "think they should". In the past I stopped training dogs multiple times because I got so frustrated when Id see the dogs I knew could be "perfect" under my constant militant eye still doing old behaviors that "they shouldnt do". Id see a client getting drug down the street or the dog still refusing ot come when called, big issues for me. But sometimes, those behaviors didnt bother their owners! or they didnt mind always needing to have a fence and a good grip on the leash. sometimes they even liked the quirks that i thought were "bad"- that was their perfect. My perfect is different so my relationship with my dogs is different. Now i see things differently and i always keep in mind that they may not have the desire, time, or energy to fix certain things. of course its hard to hear they surrendered a dog or put it down when i know a certain amount of work could have fixed things. But i try to have a lot more grace and keep my expectations out of it. Im just here to help when asked. 
If you are new to the dog-owner life, welcome. I hope you find it as fun and fulfilling as all my family members are. remember not to compare your perfect with anyone elses. if you want help making certain things happen or even knowing whats possible, thats what im here for. If something is unsafe or a problem for you, I promise we can find a way to make changes - just remember itll take work and itll take time... and probably a lot of patience. But, unless something is unsafe, i hope you could care less what anyone else thinks is perfect canine behavior.

I went through a time of battling whether or not it was ethical to medically intervene and put an animal down... to tell the animal when it was time for its journey to end rather than letting the animal choose the day and hour to give up its life. 
I've recently thought though, of mother nature's systems. Which animal in the herd does the tiger catch? surely not the strongest most imposing, no he catches the sick, injured, dying. Mother nature too, puts animals out of their misery, humans have just developed a method of doing this without the stress and defeat of a battle.
so if intervention for the sake of misery prevention is an option, when? when is the time that we say "Ok, Doc" and watch our beloveds eyes close as their breaths subside? Some do it immediately upon learning of possible illness or pain, I’ve seen it happen. Some do it one day when they realize their animal has become old and slow. Some wait, and then regret not having gone to their vet when their animal passes in a slow painful way. 
What’s best? I have personally experienced three different things: having a golden of mine put down upon realizing that she was ready to go, and seeing the joy fade from her eyes, another I let go naturally and it was a peaceful, relaxed time, and a third who seemed to have had a very tough passing while I was away. With my next I pray for the second, I would love to have her go on her own time in my lap at home. 
What do you feel? If the vet says an animal is in pain, do you put them down right away? Do you wait? Do you let the animal go on their own time or do you step in?

Written August 2015


UPDATE:
I grappled with this question for months while Pippi was experiencing the ups and downs that old age bring. I finally realized that I wanted to let her do it her way. I felt, in that situation, that her wisdom, joy, and resilience were worthy of her own timing. I felt that I was in no position to make that decision for her. watching her fight through countless bad days was gut wrenching. Truth be told though, just because something is uncomfortable for me does not mean that I should turn away. There were days where I simply wanted my guilt to end, I wanted the feeling of pain I felt when witnessing her brutal struggle to go away." I wanted". How selfish of me.

That girl went up to death's door a dozen times or more, then turned around and hobbled right back. Each time she got bad, she'd turn around and have a handful of great days. Who was I to take those remaining days away from her? No one. It was not my call. She chose that. It was her life. When any animal gives up on life (humans included) they tend to pass pretty quickly. Not Pip. She wanted every tail wag, every taste of peanut butter, every gentle stroke she could get. I was not going to tell her when her last ones were. One day, her nap didnt end. That was it. 

The longer Ive been doing this work the more I have learned to honor each animal for what it offers the world. as Ive done so, I have seen exponential changes in their intellect and presence. I was missing so much before. The human race can be a very entitled one. The more Ive learned from dogs, the less room I find for my own elitism as a human. They have shown me far too much. Pippi taught me some of the most important lessons of my life. Her final lesson for me, I think, was that escaping misery is never more important than continuing to experience love and joy. Life is experiencing as much as we can. high and low. I am not sure I will ever find it in me to euthanize an animal again. Not after the lessons from my baby girl. 

This is the newest addition to my pack, a little shih tzu who was nearly euthanized a while back for severe aggression. He is adorable, spunky, hilarious, outgoing,  and certainly naughty. Before coming to me I know he had been in many different homes for various amounts of time, but I'm not even sure how old he is (I'm guessing 3 or 4). Most of the homes he was in before he did not last very long because he developed extreme behaviors. He had hardly been around other dogs and had no idea how to positively relate to people. I have heard stories of him being at the humane society multiple times without people being allowed to touch him or go into his kennel because he was so aggressive, and of him leaving holes in the pants of trainers who initially tried to help his owners work on his issues. 
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All of that is behind him now. He is learning how not to be a spoiled brat, how not to get his way, and how to be a happy and balanced dog. He is learning that when people say things they mean it, playing is fun, and getting out of control and lashing out is not how he makes friends. He has been easy in some ways, hard in others, and there was a point where I wasn't sure how I was going to get him to understand that he needed to give up the fight for control. However, our disagreements have become fewer and fewer and his willingness to follow has revealed a little dog whose greatest joy is not in controlling anyone, but in being a competent member of a pack led by mom. I love seeing his sense of purpose when he hears his name called and the joyful way he whips his head around and bounds over to see what mom wants.
Just as with every other dog that has been in my care, he is teaching me too. He reminds me of how important it is that I remain calm and in control. He reminds me how being assertive is not enough, patience and understanding have to come with it. Willy's joyful approach to life and ability to be 100% of whatever version of himself hes being has been interesting too. When Willy is angry, Willy is red zone, hide your kids, hide your wife type of angry.  When Willy is affectionate, he can hardly stand not licking your face with all his might. Most of all, when he is playing, joyful, happy,  or celebrating, he is all the way playing, joyful, happy, and celebrating. This is good for me because I tend to forget how to be completely present, how to let go of past or future and just celebrate at the beauty of the moment I am in. Dogs always live in the moment, and Willy does so with gusto. 
I am excited to see what more is in store for me and my new partner, and hope to be using him in sessions soon, as my trust in him and his in me grows. He has been great practice so far and is already fitting in as the tiniest member of my pack. I can't wait to see what else is ahead of us, and what more I can learn from his tiny monster of a self :)

In my most recent blog post I discussed the pervasive importance body language and the way it makes our dogs behave. I introduce the idea of using the body to alter the chemistry of the mind. In this post I dig deeper into this concept from the canine side: tricks you can use to make your dog feel better.

Did you know that in approaching a dog reaching for the top of their head, as humans so often are inclined to do, is actually a very dominant move? It is really not polite at all. To uplift a dog (which is not always necessary, but often appropriate in meeting a new dog) it is much more suitable to first allow them the space to come to you and sniff you, then perhaps reach to scratch under the chin. Think about for a second. if someone came to you and began to reach over your head you are likely to hunch your shoulders and lower your head. With insecure dogs in particular, by petting under the chin and lifting UP the head you are creating a much more confident body language. Remember from below that yes, our minds create the language of our bodies, but our bodies too can impact the feelings of our minds. Dogs are no exception. 

When working with a shut down, insecure, anxious, or fearful dog I will often lift the head, make sure the leash is underneath and never over the head, gently pull the tail out from being tucked between the legs, or even apply pressure to the underneath of their body is they are so hunched down that they are not even walking on straight legs.

For dogs that are tense or excited even, massages can be another tool similar to what is described above. by using a tension then release method of gently digging into the muscles on the dog you are sending the brain the message to relax. I use this when Baron gets too wound up over a new visitor or play session and when any dog  I'm working with gets anxious and tense. Tension can be dangerous in dogs, so using a massage technique to relax the muscles I find a have successful avoided the snapping and lunging type behaviors that can step from a tense, fearful, or frustrated mind. Next time you meet a shy dog try these easy body-first approaches to giving confidence and see what happens!

** note: these pictures do not belong to me but are simply visual aids 

Dogs experience a very different world than we do. entering into the experiences of your dog could be the key to unlocking the mysteries of his/her behavior. For example, say you are an extroverted business professional who loves a good hike on the weekends. Monday through Thursday your life is dominated by work, Friday by work and then social hour at your place, the weekends by rest and time spent hiking with friends. You might think about how exhausted you are all the time, and wonder why you cant get a moments rest without the dog asking to play or go outside for the sixteenth time. Take a look through the dogs eyes for a moment. Every day your best friend gets up, goes into the bathroom for a while, makes delicious smelling food, throws some food into your bowl and takes off. you then sit on the couch, wander around the house, perhaps lay in a crate, and maybe even play with a toy for a time. The day drags on, and finally your best friend comes home again... but he is clearly tired and just wants to sit down. So you wait. finally, your best friend takes you on a walk and oh boy is that exciting. You are having a great time but then soon, all too soon, you are home again. your best friend then proceeds to sit down on the couch and stare at a moving picture that means nothing to you. At least he is scratching you ears though! shortly, your best friend goes to bed... but you are not tired! You got to rest all day long... but you want to be with your friend so to bed you go... boring. This happens day after day until the glorious weekend. Friday evening your best friend arrives home and immediately is busy scurrying around the house. Soon, other friends arrive and you have strange hands and faces grabbing at you randomly for hours, fortunately, they also slip you treats for doing absolutely nothing. I'm sure you can see where I am going with this. 

It requires you to take step back and look at things through a dog's eyes, just as I recommend in my old post regarding dogs at places like fairs. I ask you to do it though for the sake of your dog. I can assure you that I understand, with a highly demanding academic schedule,  many healthy relationships, and multiple jobs, I regularly question the life that I have created for my puppy. That being said, with effort and taking advantage of free moments, I do my very best to keep him happy. Remember that exercise [for the brain and body] is incredibly important, as well as diversity in activity... take them new places, rotate their toys, surprise them with a long lasting raw bone, make eating a longer lasting activity, and find ways to engage them in your daily life. Remember the golden concept of dog ownership: A Tired Dog is A Happy Dog - A Happy Dog is A Good Dog!

         For more than 14 years this beautiful girl has been my main. She is my day one, my partner in crime, and most importantly my teacher. Until she was 9 years old I knew so little about dog behavior that she was quite literally hell on wheels. Once I got my act together and began to pay attention to dog behavior and learn the actual way to communicate with dogs, she quickly showed me what tactics were real and what was bogus. She was the one who allowed me to hone my skills, which meant she was the one of whom I levied all manner of random training techniques. This dog's consistent enthusiasm, patience, irreverence for human convention, and adoration for me has quite literally made me into the dog trainer I am today. These days she has passed the burden of being a trainer's dog onto Baron, but every greeting I have with her is all I need to put my life into perspective.
​              Every last afternoon spent in the sun, off-leash walk through the woods, and swim in the lake reminds me that it truly could be the last of it's kind. These days her tongue that appears as she pants away the heat is limp and has a grayish tint. Her gums are nearly devoid of color, and sometimes her hips simply cannot boost her bony body off the floor. She is happy with the 20 hours of sleep she gets a day and prefers the consistent schedule that living with mom provides her. She prefers the company of her cat to that of the over-sized puppy I brought home this summer. Despite these obvious signs of the old age her body displays, her adoring smile never fades when shes got "her girl" (me) around. She cannot be swayed to leave my side, whether it be for a ball, another family member, or even her dinner. Her devotion was not so evident just 6 or 7 years ago, when I was not the leader I should have been, no where near the dog owner I am today. Then she would give anything to take off on a long adventure, only to return hours later and covered in mud. With tears of laughter in their eyes my family remembers seeing a young Pippi drag a younger and smaller me through the yard by the sleeve of my jacket. I shudder to reflect on the number of times I saw that naughty "catch me if you can" look come into her eyes as she took off across the yard and was so afraid she would be hurt.

​                 All I wanted in those days was for her to want to be with me, for her to be happy being with me... and so I begged for it, bargained for it, and demanded it. It was her that taught me how incredibly fruitless these approaches were. It was only when I asked for it and proceeded to work for it, that I received that invaluable gift... that of the undying adoration of a devoted dog. The days on our partnership are numbered now, but I do not know the secret of how big or small that number is. All I know is that she is happy now, even if sick. All I know is that each day she continues to live holds more lessons for me. Today I reflect on the grace of carrying burdens with a smile, of not letting the pain overcome the joy. No matter how sore her old hips or how constricted her poor throat... She still manages to leap around me when I return from a few weeks away. I can tell it hurts incredibly bad, but I know that the second I arise from my seat she,  too will arise, no questions asked. If I move just a few feet across the room, she will take a few labored steps and sink to the floor again, and contentedly pant in my direction as if to say, "and happy to do it".
​                If I could live my life this way, ignoring the pain and the burdens to simply to do what I see as best... how beautiful could my soul be? If I served God with a fraction of the devotion she shows in following me, how powerful could I be as his servant? Losing an old friend is hard, losing one that you have put through so much and who has quite literally made you into the professional you are today is much worse. I do not think about how much it is going to hurt to lose her, because she does not. We simply enjoy today, together. That moment isn't mine to mourn yet, it will come. Not today. Today I am going to wander through the yard with my dog, and observe as she investigates every new scent with complete absorption... and wish I could focus on my studies the way she studies a new scent. I will be there with her to the best of my ability, in hopes that I can bring her a fraction of the love and adoration that she offers to me every time she sees me walk through the door. When she approaches me I will move towards her too, in hopes that she might not have to take those last two or three painful steps towards my waiting hand... and I will learn.  will learn whatever lessons she still has to teach me, because not a moment has yet passed where there wasn't something she could show me, or remind me of the lesson she had revealed to me so many times. By my estimation... that's the truest love there is... unquestioned devotion, continual forgiveness,  and a willingness to ignore all pain or burdens for the sake of another. 

Having a dog as a college student is something I would never recommend. 
Its tough, and it can feel unfair. However, like anything else, if you decide to make it happen, you can, as I am. Baron came to me in a way that told me that he was for me. Whatever the reason for the timing, I am supposed to have him right now, and I am committed to having a happy and balanced dog.  I have a lot going on in my daily life and integrating him into that is not always easy, but it is doable. 
 Here is a glimpse into what does on day to day:
In the morning, rather than hanging out in the house, I will tie him outside to be near the neighbor's dogs and in the outside air while I get ready. Our morning walks are usually pretty short, which works well for both of us, and then I think about how he is going to get through the day. I know he was up late with me the night before, so he will probably sleep most of the day, but he still will have awake and bored times. My first tool is to make his feeding time challenging, I can do this by feeding him through a toy (I use the wobbler by kong), or by putting things into his bowl which slow down eating. Next, I make sure he has new toys to play with today, rotating toys is very important for things not to become commonplace and boring. Finally, he is left with something to chew on, usually a beef knuckle bone. Another technique is to take even 45 minute windows of time to run home and get him out for a quick walk or a few matches of tug of war in the basement. Not only am I meeting his potty needs, but I am also mixing up the routing and giving him some mental stimulation. Sometimes I can't make this happen so  a friend, family member, or neighbor shows up to get him out, asking for help is challenging for me but essential in these times. Finally, I integrate him into my evening. If I need to spend some time thinking or reflecting I do so on a long walk. If I need to talk with a friend, I ask if they would be willing to go to a park with me and my dog. When I go out to the horse barn, he comes with to hang out in a stall or my car while I work. When friends come over I see if anyone wants to hang out with the dog, and, my personal favorite, when I need to study I go to the patio of a nearby coffee shop. The goal of all of this is the same, mental stimulation. At the coffee shop he gets attention from the baristas and other patrons, and has a new viewpoint from which to watch the world. He has to display self control when the birds flutter over some crumbs nearby, but for the most part he loves the change of pace and I still get what needs to be done, done. The same goes for the horse barn, I am getting work done and its no dog park, but he still gets socialization and a change of environment. 
I think getting him exercise is often the most challenging piece and I have been far from perfect. I always know when the times are that he hasn't had enough attention and exercise because he doesn't want to go to bed, destroys things, or starts barking/crying. All he really wants out the day is to be with me, and some days there is not enough time to fulfill his needs... and he lets me know. I am not perfect yet, and therefor my pup isn't either, but we are both learning a lot from the challenge of being patient with each other... me hen I am exhausted and he wants a rousing game of tug, and him when I haven't spent enough time with him and just need for him to contain his excitement.