For more than 14 years this beautiful girl has been my main. She is my day one, my partner in crime, and most importantly my teacher. Until she was 9 years old I knew so little about dog behavior that she was quite literally hell on wheels. Once I got my act together and began to pay attention to dog behavior and learn the actual way to communicate with dogs, she quickly showed me what tactics were real and what was bogus. She was the one who allowed me to hone my skills, which meant she was the one of whom I levied all manner of random training techniques. This dog's consistent enthusiasm, patience, irreverence for human convention, and adoration for me has quite literally made me into the dog trainer I am today. These days she has passed the burden of being a trainer's dog onto Baron, but every greeting I have with her is all I need to put my life into perspective.
Every last afternoon spent in the sun, off-leash walk through the woods, and swim in the lake reminds me that it truly could be the last of it's kind. These days her tongue that appears as she pants away the heat is limp and has a grayish tint. Her gums are nearly devoid of color, and sometimes her hips simply cannot boost her bony body off the floor. She is happy with the 20 hours of sleep she gets a day and prefers the consistent schedule that living with mom provides her. She prefers the company of her cat to that of the over-sized puppy I brought home this summer. Despite these obvious signs of the old age her body displays, her adoring smile never fades when shes got "her girl" (me) around. She cannot be swayed to leave my side, whether it be for a ball, another family member, or even her dinner. Her devotion was not so evident just 6 or 7 years ago, when I was not the leader I should have been, no where near the dog owner I am today. Then she would give anything to take off on a long adventure, only to return hours later and covered in mud. With tears of laughter in their eyes my family remembers seeing a young Pippi drag a younger and smaller me through the yard by the sleeve of my jacket. I shudder to reflect on the number of times I saw that naughty "catch me if you can" look come into her eyes as she took off across the yard and was so afraid she would be hurt.
Every last afternoon spent in the sun, off-leash walk through the woods, and swim in the lake reminds me that it truly could be the last of it's kind. These days her tongue that appears as she pants away the heat is limp and has a grayish tint. Her gums are nearly devoid of color, and sometimes her hips simply cannot boost her bony body off the floor. She is happy with the 20 hours of sleep she gets a day and prefers the consistent schedule that living with mom provides her. She prefers the company of her cat to that of the over-sized puppy I brought home this summer. Despite these obvious signs of the old age her body displays, her adoring smile never fades when shes got "her girl" (me) around. She cannot be swayed to leave my side, whether it be for a ball, another family member, or even her dinner. Her devotion was not so evident just 6 or 7 years ago, when I was not the leader I should have been, no where near the dog owner I am today. Then she would give anything to take off on a long adventure, only to return hours later and covered in mud. With tears of laughter in their eyes my family remembers seeing a young Pippi drag a younger and smaller me through the yard by the sleeve of my jacket. I shudder to reflect on the number of times I saw that naughty "catch me if you can" look come into her eyes as she took off across the yard and was so afraid she would be hurt.
All I wanted in those days was for her to want to be with me, for her to be happy being with me... and so I begged for it, bargained for it, and demanded it. It was her that taught me how incredibly fruitless these approaches were. It was only when I asked for it and proceeded to work for it, that I received that invaluable gift... that of the undying adoration of a devoted dog. The days on our partnership are numbered now, but I do not know the secret of how big or small that number is. All I know is that she is happy now, even if sick. All I know is that each day she continues to live holds more lessons for me. Today I reflect on the grace of carrying burdens with a smile, of not letting the pain overcome the joy. No matter how sore her old hips or how constricted her poor throat... She still manages to leap around me when I return from a few weeks away. I can tell it hurts incredibly bad, but I know that the second I arise from my seat she, too will arise, no questions asked. If I move just a few feet across the room, she will take a few labored steps and sink to the floor again, and contentedly pant in my direction as if to say, "and happy to do it".
If I could live my life this way, ignoring the pain and the burdens to simply to do what I see as best... how beautiful could my soul be? If I served God with a fraction of the devotion she shows in following me, how powerful could I be as his servant? Losing an old friend is hard, losing one that you have put through so much and who has quite literally made you into the professional you are today is much worse. I do not think about how much it is going to hurt to lose her, because she does not. We simply enjoy today, together. That moment isn't mine to mourn yet, it will come. Not today. Today I am going to wander through the yard with my dog, and observe as she investigates every new scent with complete absorption... and wish I could focus on my studies the way she studies a new scent. I will be there with her to the best of my ability, in hopes that I can bring her a fraction of the love and adoration that she offers to me every time she sees me walk through the door. When she approaches me I will move towards her too, in hopes that she might not have to take those last two or three painful steps towards my waiting hand... and I will learn. will learn whatever lessons she still has to teach me, because not a moment has yet passed where there wasn't something she could show me, or remind me of the lesson she had revealed to me so many times. By my estimation... that's the truest love there is... unquestioned devotion, continual forgiveness, and a willingness to ignore all pain or burdens for the sake of another.
If I could live my life this way, ignoring the pain and the burdens to simply to do what I see as best... how beautiful could my soul be? If I served God with a fraction of the devotion she shows in following me, how powerful could I be as his servant? Losing an old friend is hard, losing one that you have put through so much and who has quite literally made you into the professional you are today is much worse. I do not think about how much it is going to hurt to lose her, because she does not. We simply enjoy today, together. That moment isn't mine to mourn yet, it will come. Not today. Today I am going to wander through the yard with my dog, and observe as she investigates every new scent with complete absorption... and wish I could focus on my studies the way she studies a new scent. I will be there with her to the best of my ability, in hopes that I can bring her a fraction of the love and adoration that she offers to me every time she sees me walk through the door. When she approaches me I will move towards her too, in hopes that she might not have to take those last two or three painful steps towards my waiting hand... and I will learn. will learn whatever lessons she still has to teach me, because not a moment has yet passed where there wasn't something she could show me, or remind me of the lesson she had revealed to me so many times. By my estimation... that's the truest love there is... unquestioned devotion, continual forgiveness, and a willingness to ignore all pain or burdens for the sake of another.
